


Who Would Eat Paper?

by rowanwrites



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: ALL OF IT, Gen, I Don't Even Know, listen i'm not the brightest, this is canonical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanwrites/pseuds/rowanwrites
Summary: Hint: Most of themthis is literally one shots of characters eating paper idk what else to say
Comments: 38
Kudos: 34





	1. Eiffel

**Author's Note:**

> okay i was talking to my partner and they totally didn't eat paper and this was born from the ashes of me watching them, horrified, so enjoy several characters from this thoughtful, heart stirring podcast shoving paper in their mouths

“Officer Eiffel, are you _sure _about this?”__

__“It’ll be fine, Hera. Haven’t you heard that paper has a lot of fiber? It’s basically a health food.”_ _

__“Are you… having digestive problems?”_ _

__He rolls his eyes. “No, I’m just telling you that this is a good idea.”_ _

__“This is a terrible idea,” she says bluntly._ _

__“Hey, ye of little faith. It’ll be fine.”_ _

__She sighs. “Fine, go ahead.”_ _

__He grins. “Awesome. And you won’t tell Minkowski about this?”_ _

__“Sure, I won’t tell Commander Minkowski,” she promises._ _

__He’s stuffing the crumpled sticky note in his mouth when the door creaks open. “ _What _won’t you tell me, Hera?”___ _

____He whips his head around, snapping his mouth closed and glaring at the nearest camera as he does. “Mph, Commander!”_ _ _ _

____She ignores him. “What, Hera?”_ _ _ _

____His friend sounds like she’s biting back a smile when she replies, “Nothing serious, Commander.”_ _ _ _

____“What is it, then?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, just that Eiffel is eating paper.”_ _ _ _

____She turns towards him, looking defeated. “What.”_ _ _ _

____He shoves it into his cheek with his tongue, hoping he doesn’t look too much like a chipmunk. “I totally wasn’t! I mean, who would ever do something like that, that’s so stupid, right?”_ _ _ _

____“Spit it out.” He stares at her, bewildered for a moment. “Eiffel, I said spit it out.”_ _ _ _

____“Uh, no can do, Commander.”_ _ _ _

____“Hera, what is on the piece of paper that our colleague is currently consuming?”_ _ _ _

____“The memo you left him about his duties for today,” she replies promptly._ _ _ _

____“Are you kidding me?”_ _ _ _

____He glares at the camera again. “Jeez, thanks a lot.”_ _ _ _

____She’s in his face again, yelling, “You’re eating the note I left you?! Are you serious right now Doug, this is how low you’ve gone?”_ _ _ _

____“I had absolutely no idea that you left me a note! I guess it makes sense now that there was a random sticky note, but I didn’t see any writing and you gave me no indication that you had anything to say to me, so really I had no way of knowing-”_ _ _ _

____“That’s the point of a sticky note, Eiffel. That was me telling you that I had something to say to you. And don’t think for a second that I believe that you didn’t see the writing on it.”_ _ _ _

____“I didn’t! Completely serious.”_ _ _ _

____“Lies. Spit it out.”_ _ _ _

____“No! This is my afternoon snack, why would you take that away from me? Eating is a human right, commander, and you can’t take that from me!”_ _ _ _

____She looks at him for a long moment. “Well, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full, so go ahead and swallow what you’re eating.”_ _ _ _

____He freezes. “What?”_ _ _ _

____“If you’re eating, you shouldn’t have a conversation with me until you don’t have anything in your mouth. Don’t worry, I can wait a second for you to finish.”_ _ _ _

____“You want me to… eat this?”_ _ _ _

____She gestures for him to continue. “That’s what I said, isn’t it? Go ahead.”_ _ _ _

____He looks at her for another long moment, before chewing slowly as she watches expectantly. “Are you sure this is healthy?”_ _ _ _

____“You were already eating it, do you really want to turn back now?”_ _ _ _

____He gulps at the clear challenge, then meets her steely eyes and swallows the paper gingerly, grimacing at the taste. “Lesson learned, Commander.”_ _ _ _

____She smirks. “Are you still hungry? I think Hilbert has some scrap paper you could take off of his hands.”_ _ _ _

____He turns back to his equipment, muttering under his breath. “Teasing me, can’t believe a commanding officer would act like this.”_ _ _ _

____She turns and floats back out of the room. “Get to work, Eiffel. My note said you owe me spacewalk hours, and that hasn’t changed.”_ _ _ _

____He stares at her wordlessly, trying to pretend the taste of adhesive isn’t still in his mouth._ _ _ _


	2. Jacobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love jacobi and this is both in and out of character but it's canonical definitely

“Do it.”

“This is real mature of you, Alana.”

She smirks. “A deal’s a deal, Daniel. Eat it or lose the bet.”

“Do you know how many people have touched this piece of paper?” he protests.

“No, and I don’t want to,” comes the easy reply.

“I hate you. You know that, right?”

She holds out the file. “You said you would do anything to get rid of it. So?”

“Not this!”

“Anything.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re a scientist, you know how unsanitary this is.”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one eating your file, so it doesn’t matter to me.”

“Why am I eating my file again?”

She grins wickedly, her voice far louder than necessary when she replies. “Well, you wanted people to stop talking about your irrational fear of ducks, so I found you the only copy of your file that has your fear of du-”

“Okay, I get it! Jeez, Alana, you suck.”

“That’s why you love me.”

“Don’t kid yourself.”

“Alright, duckboy.”

He glares at her. “There are thousands of ways to dispose of this piece of paper that don’t involve me or my mouth.”

“Actually, I think most of them would.”

He punches her in the arm as she laughs to herself. “Couldn’t we burn it or something? I’m very good at setting things on fire.”

“I know you are, Daniel. However, this is the only way not to leave any evidence, or a literal paper trail.”

“Then why don’t you eat it?”

“I don’t mind people knowing about your fear of ducks,” she reminds him gleefully.

He sighs. “I really hate you.”

“You told me you would do anything to make it disappear. This is it.”

“That was an expression.”

“We didn’t bet fifty dollars on an expression. We bet fifty dollars on you doing _whatever it takes.” ___

__“I still hate you.”_ _

__“You could never.”_ _

__He steels himself, and then, like ripping off a bandage, crumples up the documents one by one, chews them up, and swallows them as his friend looks on in horrified fascination._ _

__When the file is gone, far more time than he would like to admit has passed, and he looks at her. “I hate you more than ever.”_ _

__“Honestly? Me too.”_ _

__A voice from the doorway, unnoticed by both of them, speaks up, sounding every bit as bewildered as he’d expect. “Jacobi… what?”_ _

__They turn quickly and snap to attention. “Colonel Kepler!”_ _

__“What the hell were you two just doing?”_ _

__It’s silent for a moment, before Jacobi bursts out, “Alana made me do it!”_ _

__“I didn’t! It was his idea!”_ _

__“It was not! You bet me and then you made me do this!”_ _

__“Are you kidding me? You’re the one who wanted the file gone so badly!”_ _

__“Enough!” They turn to look at Kepler again, who is at this point just looking frustrated. “Did I just watch you… consume the entirety of your file?”_ _

__“Uh… no.”_ _

__“Jacobi.”_ _

__“Alright, maybe.”_ _

__He sighs. “I won’t even ask. Just- don’t, next time?”_ _

__“Yes, Sir.”_ _

__He walks out of Daniel’s office, who looks at Alana in amazement. “Did he just walk away without questioning us?”_ _

__“He must be dying or something,” she mutters back._ _

__“I’m never doing that again.”_ _

__“Unless your file is printed with a certain detail on it.”_ _

__“Alana, I swear, if you make a copy of it-”_ _

__“You’ll never prove who did it!”_ _

__She skips away, literally skips, and Daniel rubs his throat gingerly. It wasn’t a small file, and paper didn’t go down easy._ _


	3. Maxwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek

“Doctor Maxwell, I would appreciate it if you would finish your calculations before all three of us are shot dead where we stand.”

“Yeah, I get it, Colonel. The nagging isn’t especially helping,” she mutters.

She scribbles a few more digits onto the small notepad in her hand, trying to ignore her boss staring lasers into her. “Doctor, it would really-”

“Warren, shove off,” Jacobi cuts in from the doorway, keeping his eyes trained intently down the corridor.

“What did you just call me, Mr. Jacobi?”

“Your name, oh great powerful colonel,” he rebuffs, voice dripping with sarcasm. “She needs to work.”

“We’ll discuss this later,” Kepler says ominously.

Jacobi smirks. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to call you by your full rank and title.”

He turns back to Maxwell, muttering darkly. “Are you almost done?”

“Yes! Give me a second.”

She finishes her calculations as Jacobi pulls his head quickly into the tiny office, one hand going to the detonator on his left hip, and the other hand to the gun strapped to the other. “They found us, let’s hurry it up.”

“Now who’s nagging?”

“We’re about to get shot, Alana.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Well, can’t let this fall into the wrong hands.” Without missing a beat, she rips the piece of paper out of the notepad and pops it in her mouth, quickly consuming fifteen minutes of complicated equations.

Both men stare at her in disbelief. “Are you telling me I just put my team at risk so you could eat a piece of paper?”

“I have it memorised, Colonel,” she explained slowly, making her tone as patronizing as possible. “I just needed to do my calculations out on paper.”

“You’re so weird, Alana.”

“Shut up, Daniel.” She stands, taking her handgun from the holster at her hip. “Don’t we have thugs to kill?”

Kepler stares frozen in amazement. “How in the hell is this group the finest team at Goddard?”

“With all due respect, _sir, _I just did the most advanced math anyone other than Miranda Pryce has ever done in fifteen minutes, so you’re going to have to lay off.”__

__“I understand that, Doctor, but I also just watched you consume the piece of paper containing that advanced math.”_ _

__“First of all, it’s not the first time you’ve seen someone eat paper. Second, we’re on a dangerous mission and the information could be disastrous if it got to the wrong people,” she argues._ _

__“Can we please save this conversation for later and get to the not getting murdered part of this mission?” Jacobi asks again, more urgently._ _

__She flashes him a grin, walking towards the door as the heavy footsteps of the armed men approach the cramped room. “Let’s.”_ _

__He steps back and waves her ahead with an exaggerated, sweeping gesture. “After you, dearest doctor.”_ _

__She rolls her eyes as she prepares to jump into the fray. “Ever the gentleman, Daniel.”_ _

__“I just want to make sure you have the chance to fill any other sick desires you might have.”_ _

__“No sick desires, just mission objectives. Speaking of, are you coming, Kepler?”_ _

__Their boss finally moves from the spot he was rooted to. “I hate my job.”_ _

__“You love us, Warren.”_ _

__“Mr. Jacobi, if you call me by anything other than sir for the rest of this mission-”_ _

__“You two can talk dirty all you want when we get out, it’s showtime!” With one final warning, she leaps into the hallway, lighting up the armored thugs as she goes._ _

__Her teammates quickly follow, and they make quick work of the five men in the hallway and all of the backup that follows. She smirks back at them as they walk out of the building. “Flirt all you want now, boys. We’re clear. Security footage is still jammed and anybody who could call this in is a little bit dead.”_ _

__“I am not in the mindset to flirt right now, Alana.”_ _

__“Why not? Those guys were a piece of cake.”_ _

__“Because, Doctor Maxwell, Mr. Jacobi and I are both struggling to process the fact that you ate the most important piece of information we have ever had on a mission.”_ _

__“I memorised it!” she protests._ _

__He sighs. “Do me a favour and write it down when we get back to Goddard.”_ _

__“Will do, sir.”_ _

__“And could you try to be less weird for like, a second?”_ _

__“Shut up, Daniel. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the file incident.”_ _

__“Kepler groaned. “Oh, God. I almost managed to.”_ _

__“Don’t worry, Colonel, you’ll get there soon enough.”_ _

__“I hope not.”_ _


	4. Hilbert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one went way longer than i thought it would so enjoy some scintillating dialogue

“Eiffel, have you seen my notepad?”

“No, wouldn’t it be in your lab?”

“Eiffel, I do not have time for games. Very sensitive experiment, imminent that data be collected immediately.”

The lanky man feigns innocence, poorly. “Well, don’t you have scrap paper or something?”

He sighs. “Yes, but I would rather record my notes in the same place for organization purposes. It is imperative that I have a good system so I collect conclusive results.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Doc. I hope you find it.”

Hilbert narrows his eyes at the overly casual communications officer, not trusting him for a second. “Will you help me with this experiment? It would be much easier if you took notes.”

“Sorry Hilbert, I’m actually super busy, in fact I have something I need to be doing right now and it would be better if you left now so that I can focus on-”

“If you do not come with me my experiment may cause this station to explode, and if it does not, I will tell Commander Minkowski my hypothesis about the location of my notepad,” he interrupts cheerfully.

Eiffel gulps. “On second thought, maybe I can do that thing later. Lead the way, Doctor.”

“Thank you for your cooperation.”

When they get to the lab, Hilbert grins, a plan forming in his mind. “I will tell you what to write down, I just need you to write exactly what I say. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, sure Doc, is this going to take long?”

“You cannot rush science! Are you ready to take notes?”

“Sure.”

“Excellent.” He reaches into the drawer of paper he spent most of last week synthesizing, which looks like regular paper. “Use this.”

“Uh… sure Doc.” He looks around. “Do you have a pen?”

“Yes Eiffel, of course I have a pen! Do not be foolish.”

He hands him a pen and turns back to his table. He is not in the middle of an experiment.

“So… what is this for? Is it more soap stuff?”

“Yes, and it is very important. Now, write ‘sample 95 stable, showing promising results.’”

“Sample 95 stable… showing promising results.”

“Could you not go any faster, Eiffel?”

“I’m not used to being a scribe, your honour. Give me a break,” he grumbles.

Hilbert rolls his eyes. “Very well. Write as quickly as you can, this information is time sensitive and very important.”

“Okay, what’s next?”

“Sample 94 holding stable, very few results.”

Eiffel looks up at him. “Are you going to count down from 95?”

“Are you going to keep interrupting this, Officer Eiffel? It will only make it take longer. Much longer.”

“Fine, just- can you hurry up?”

“You are the one who is not doing his job! I am doing mine, so you should do yours if you would like this to end tonight.”

“What do you mean, tonight?! It’s barely noon! I think.”

“It is five minutes past seventeen hundred hours, Eiffel. Now, if you would please write ‘Sample 94 holding stable, very few results,’ we could move on with this.”

“Fine, I’m writing it.”

“Thank you. Now, ‘Sample 93 growing, unpredictable.’”

“Uh… is it safe to be around that thing?” Eiffel asks, peering nervously at the sample.

“Sixty percent chance of no reaction, safe enough. ‘Sample 92, stagnant. No change since application.’”

“Can we circle back to 93? Those don’t sound like promising predictions.”

“Over fifty percent chance of safety. Safe enough. Did you want to stay here all night?”

“Fine, fine, what’s next?”

“Sample 91, limited change. Slight growth. Appears to be dormant.”

“Appears to be?!”

He sighs. “For the last time, Eiffel, you cannot continue to interrupt. Understand you are not a scientist, but you need to sit quietly, take notes. No more interruptions.”

“Okay, but-”

“Eiffel!” He finally falls silent, and Hilbert turns back to his samples. “Sample 90, bubbling, little growth.”

Eiffel scribbles something else and puts the pen down. “Well, this has been fun, but I actually do have things to do.”

Hilbert glares at him, then checks the paper. To his delight, the notes are subpar. “You think I can use these for experiments?”

“I mean, I wrote down what you said, so yeah.”

“No! These are garbage.”

“Well, what else did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to take notes!” He watches Eiffel roll his eyes, then snatches the edible paper out of his hands and stuffs it in his mouth.

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?!”

“I will not accept bad notes for my work!”

“But why did you eat it?!”

“Disposal.”

“There is a trash chute literally five feet away!”

He scoffs and looks away. “Get out. You are useless to me. And give me my notepad back!”

By the time Minkowski comes in, holding his notepad and scowling, he has managed to stop smiling.


	5. Lovelace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lovelace would just do it she does not need any extenuating circumstances

“Please, Captain?”

“Eiffel, why are we even having this conversation?”

“I did it once, it’s not even that bad!”

She looks at him in disbelief. “You’ve eaten paper?”

“Yeah, it was totally fine!”

“I forced him to,” Minkowski pipes up from the corridor as she enters the room. “Why are we talking about eating paper?”

“Eiffel’s trying to convince me to do it,” Lovelace sighs.

“That’s not the whole story! You can’t just not give her any context,” he protests.

Minkowski crosses her arms over her chest. “Oh please, regale me with this story.”

“You don’t need to give me that tone,” he grumbles. She raises an eyebrow and he stops talking.

“You sure you want to hear this story? It’s got Eiffel written all over it.”

“Hey!”

“Believe me, I have my fair share of Eiffel stories.”

“I’m still here,” he whines.

Both women ignore him. “Alright. So, I told him about the time I ate this really old piece of gum.”

“How old?”

“It tasted like sawdust.”

Minkowski pulled a face “Gross.”

“Anyways, he didn’t believe me.”

Now she turns to him. “You’ve done way worse.”

“Yeah, but she’s her!”

“You two literally have the same personality.”

“What?!” they exclaim at the same time. She rolls her eyes.

“Just continue the story please?”

“So he didn’t believe me, and I asked what it would take.”

She groans. “Why would you ask that?”

“I just did. He told me to eat this paper.”

“Just a little piece!” he protests.

She raises an eyebrow. “Like a sticky note?”

“We don’t have to talk about that.”

Lovelace smirks. “Anything you want to tell me, Eiffel?”

“No.”

She rolls her eyes. “Sure.” Then, she tears a scrap off the paper in her hands and sticks it in her mouth. “Happy?”

He grins. “Extremely.”

Hera sighs. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you all how bad this is for you.”

Minkowski sighs with her. “Probably about a million times.”

“Don’t think you get off that easy, Commander. I know what you did,” she warns.

Lovelace cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? And what did you do, Commander?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t have to answer that.”

“Eiffel?”

“I’m scared enough for my life as it is, Captain. No can do.”

She smirks at Minkowski. “I’ll figure it out one way or another.”

“You’re the one who literally just ate paper!” she protests. Then, she sighs and goes down the corridor, fed up with her coworkers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's next
> 
> also the gum thing is a real thing that somebody i know did


	6. Minkowski

“Eiffel! How many times do I need to remind you to do one simple task? You literally do nothing all day!”

“Excuse me, I work very hard. In fact, I may do the most work around here,” he complains.

She scoffs at the same time as Hera, who pipes up over the speaker. “Right, all I do is run a space station.”

He leans back, feet on the console, inches away from several very important buttons and switches. “Exactly! And commander Spock over there, just yelling about rules. No sense of humour. I do the real work around this star.” He looks over at a furious Minkowski. “Anyway, what brings you to this cell block?”

“What brings me here,” she seethes, “is the fact that you still haven’t disposed of this report that I asked you about three weeks ago!”

“Don’t be so uptight, commander. It’s just a piece of paper.”

“It isn’t a difficult task, Eiffel. Why do you have to make literally everything hard?”

“I forgot, okay? Is that a crime now? It’s not even that important.”

“There are literally four people on this station, and that means there’s a lot of work for all of us.” At his blank stare, she exclaims, “You’re one of them, idiot!”

“Right, yeah, whatever.”

She takes a deep breath, clenching her fist tightly. “All I asked you to do was throw out a piece of paper.”

“Why don’t you do it yourself then?”

“Because you are part of this crew and you’re expected to pull your own weight,” she hisses.

“Fine, I’ll do it later.”

“That’s what you said when I told you twenty three days ago.”

He rolls his eyes. “Then I won’t do it later.”

“Eiffel, throw this away this afternoon. That’s an order.”

“Just do it yourself if it’s so important to you!”

“You know what? Fine!”

He looks at her exasperated face, confused that she caved so easily. “Oh, thank-”

He stops abruptly, staring at her in horror as she looks him dead in the eye, crumples up the paper, and puts it in her mouth. Slowly, never breaking eye contact, she consumes the paper, and the report is gone.

She looks at him flatly. “Are you happy now?”

“Not at all,” he breathes.

“Good.” She turns and leaves the room without looking back, as he stays rooted in place, trying to process what happened.


	7. Kepler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long! i've been caught up with schoolwork

“Colonel, they’re getting closer.”

“I’m aware, Mr. Jacobi.”

“We need to move, like right now.”

“I am aware, Mr. Jacobi.”

“So, are you coming, or should I go without you?”

“I am finishing up this message to Mr. Cutter,” he grits out.

“What, a text? You’re really texting your boss right now?”

“He will literally kill me if I don’t, Jacobi.”

“Yeah, yeah, he threatens to kill you over everything.”

“He’s always serious.”

“Oh.” Jacobi furrows his brows. “Really?”

“Yes, Jacobi, are you serious?”

“I didn’t think he meant all those threats!” he protests.

Kepler sighs. “Of course he does. It’s Mr. Cutter, Jacobi.”

“Fair enough.”

“Check the hallway please,” he says pointedly.

“Yes, sir.” He ducked out and immediately pulled his head back in. “Thirty seconds.”

“Got it.”

“What are you even doing with all of this?”

“I’m dismantling their database because they have information that could tear Goddard Futuristics to the ground if certain people were to acquire it.”

“Why do they have that?”

“They are criminals, Mr. Jacobi. It’s what they do.”

“Aren’t we?”

“That’s another conversation.”

“Well, this conversation needs to wrap up. Five, four, three…”

Kepler jumps to his feet, grabbing his pistol from his hip as he pulls the drive out of the computer. “Ready.”

“Good, because-”

Three men burst into the room, each armed with a semi-automatic rifle. They were clearly trigger happy, because Kepler feels a bullet graze his arm as he shoots two in the throats and Jacobi takes out the third.

“We need to move.”

“Really, sir? I hadn’t noticed.”

“We’ll have time for sarcasm later, Jacobi. Go.”

They tear out of the room, guns at the ready, and soon hear heavy footsteps behind them. “How many, sir?”

“Five or six. I need you to take at least one out. I have compromising information on me.”

Jacobi spins around and quickly aims and fires. A loud thud sounds after and Kepler nods in approval. He takes out the flashdrive and snaps it in half, biting down on the processor to destroy it.

“Are we good?”

“One more thing, but we need to move!”

As they take off down the hallway, he takes the list of information out of his pocket and starts to tear it. “You know they have tape, right?” Jacobi huffs beside him.

“Damn it Jacobi,” he grumbles. Kepler crumples the list and puts it into his mouth, grimacing at the taste. “I hate doing this.”

“This job, or this specifically?”

“Yes.”

“Thought so.” Jacobi whirls around and takes another guard out, and Kepler follows suit and takes out two.

“One more.”

Jacobi grins. “You want him?”

Kepler smirks. “You can take him.”

“Great.” Jacobi pulls a grenade out of his pocket, pulls the pin, and drops it a few feet in front of them. “Go!”

“Seriously?!”

“You said I could take him!” he protests.

“With your handgun, Daniel!”

They sprint down the hallway, and as the explosion sounds behind them Kepler hears his partner laughing. Mission complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i don't know how a flashdrive works?


	8. Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long! school has been hectic and i've been working on some other projects, but i'm finally on break and hopefully will have more time to write

“Ms. Young, would you be a dear and get rid of this?”

She takes the paper. “Sir, I haven’t seen a trash can for hours.”

“How unfortunate!” he simpers. “You have fifteen seconds to dispose of it.”

She shoves it in her pocket. “Good enough for you?”

He narrows his eyes at her tone. “I don’t think so. I want it gone.”

“How do you suppose I do that?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something. As long as it’s still whole you’re shortening your life, so if I were you I’d do that thinking very soon.”

“Why do you need this disposed of so urgently?”

“Because I asked you to, Rachel.”

“Is there… another reason?”

“Do you need a reason to obey me?” His tone dips menacingly.

“No, Sir,” she replies, glaring daggers at him despite her sweet tone.

“Then dispose of it. Now.”

She ignores him, turning back to the window.

“Rachel, if you do not destroy this paper right now, I will put a bullet through your brain before this plane is over another land mass.”

“Why don’t you have a trash can on your private jet?”

“I did not design this plane, Ms. Young. Now, get rid of this paper.”

She rolls her eyes again, before tearing the paper into shreds. “Is that enough for you, Mr. Cutter sir?”

“Wonderful, thank you Rachel.”

“No problem sir.”

He ignores her tone and turns back to his work.

Not five minutes later he turns back to her. “I changed my mind. The paper needs to be gone.”

“And how do you propose I do that?”

“You’re a smart cookie, Rachel, you’ll think of something.”

“Unless you have a vat of acid handy, I don’t think there’s much I can do, sir.”

“The human body naturally produces acid,” he throws out casually.

“Yes, and unless you plan to cut me open- which isn’t unlike you, but it’s messier than you usually like- I don’t see what that has to do with this situation.”

He giggles for an unnerving amount of time before narrowing his eyes at her. “Oh, Rachel! Don’t go out there giving me ideas.”

She rolls her eyes. “What do you want me to do with this piece of paper, Mr. Cutter?”

“Dispose of it.”

“How?”

“You already mentioned acid, Ms. Young. Why is it so hard for you to put the pieces together?”

“Maybe it would be easier if you just told me what you wanted, sir,” she grits out.

“Alright, fun sponge,” he pouts, “Eat it.”

“What?”

“For such a smart woman, I wouldn’t think two words would give you so much trouble.”

“I understand what you said, _sir. _It’s just unreasonable.”__

__“You don’t have any allergies, we made sure of that, and there is no other possible reason for you to disobey me.” His voice dips dangerously again and she sighs._ _

__“Is that actually necessary?” she asks tiredly._ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__She rolls her eyes. “Then of course, Mr. Cutter.”_ _

__He smiles. “Thank you, Ms. Young.”_ _

__She resists the familiar urge to squirm as his eyes seem to bore into her, and slowly brings the paper scraps to her mouth._ _

__He watches as she gingerly chews the paper, reluctant to swallow it._ _

__When she finally consumes all of it and offers him a hateful glare, he flashes a condescending smile and turns back to his work, disregarding her for the rest of the trip._ _


	9. Pryce

Miranda Pryce would never in a million years eat paper. That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for such an anticlimactic end but i stand by this. Pryce would never.


End file.
